Alter Ego

I dumped Winamp a few years back for no reason, really. I wanted something fresh and jumped on the iTunes bandwagon and even preached about it a few years back.

And now, I got bored with iTunes because of its lack of bass and decided to try out Winamp again. Boy, how I missed it without knowing it. I have always loved doing these with Winamp:

1. Select the song I want to hear, and then press Q.
2. Press J.

If you don't get what I said, I suggest you get your copy of Winamp and try that. Just get the free version and you are good to go.

And the new skin looks great.

I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,
but its feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,
the cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I
and I started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye
can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

chorus:
But I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know
then I can't remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but there's no where to run to
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
say all goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to

I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
[How Far We've Come lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

Its gone gone baby its all gone
there is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
now it's over for me and it's over for you
well its gone gone baby its all gone
there's no one on the corner and there's no one at home
well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
now it's over for me and it's over for you

I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, i guess, we're gonna pretend,
let's see how far we've come, again
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

I hate it whenever I have to listen to songs to make me feel better...

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
[Over You lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

1. Crying will make you feel better.. and a lot worse later.
2. For better or for worse, everything has a good side to it.
3. One way to kill yourself, is to do something that you know you will regret later.
4. To not dream of having anything, is better than to dream and hope and struggle and fight for something you thought is a dream you will want to live through.
5. Stupidity is key to idiocity (if that's even a word to begin with).
6. Hating yourself will make you feel that you are sacrificing yourself for someone.
7. Sacrifice has its price; your own sanity to how you want your life to be.
8. You can distract yourself from your feelings by doing something good, but those feelings will come back, FOR SURE.
9. Killing yourself will save you a lot of pain, at the expense of hurting others.

Lately I have been feeling shit about my life, kept telling myself that everything that has happened to me is my own fault, even though I never asked for it to begin with.

And those phrases just kept popping up in my mind and its driving me insane. I throw things around the house just to relinquish my anger, but that doesn't seem to be feeding my anger and hatred towards myself, and these feelings just keep getting worse.

I wish I really am crazy, so that I know I honestly didn't ask for all these. I have always wanted to laugh and smile and talk about everything I want. To be able to do things that I have always wanted.

Oh crap, I am so weak that I even put all these down in my own blog for crying out loud.

I don't feel like I want to put any effort into anything now. I wonder if anyone can recommend me to a psychiatrist. Is there any in Malaysia?

Might as well smash this keyboard to a million pieces...